Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
