Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
