She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize