I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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