Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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