He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
