I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask