my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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