to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go