Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
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My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night