I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE