Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
