FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
