He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize