I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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