if you like me you must not know who I am
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
