It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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