pedialite and red bull = repair kit
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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