just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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