I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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