Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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