that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Green mimosas i think yes
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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