so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
another moral hangover. fuck.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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