I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
