Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
