i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I am available for nakedness
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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