I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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