He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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