I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
