I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
