I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Pappa wants mamma naked
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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