Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
