I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
