All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
