I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
