We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You ruined the universe
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
