There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
