I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I think my fart just growled at me.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize