Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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