We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
