dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
