there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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