i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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