my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
ugly people sure do ruin things
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
