Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
