I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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