Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
