I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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