Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
