I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
