I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
This gyro tastes like lonliness
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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