Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
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