just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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