Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Michael Bay diarrhea
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
