can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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