big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
