hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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