I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
