the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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