Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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