I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
