She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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