We had to coat check the pizza.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
