S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
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she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
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He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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