Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
