im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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